Week 10 Archetypal Reflection

            As I mentioned in my last reflection, I love The Heart Mind Matrix now!  I can totally relate to the evolutionary process of becoming ready to advance to the next level of consciousness Pearce discusses when referencing Darwin’s work.  It has taken ten weeks of “falling forward” and stepping out with faith that a ground of some sort will materialize before me and beneath me, and it has and is.  I am experiencing spiritual evolution in many areas of my life and it’s awe inspiring, humbling, affirming, and exciting!  There are so many points I read about that I’d love and need to respond to, and I’m excited to re-read this book and see what happens as I cultivate a better understanding for the holistic education on so many topics, all which are connected. I’m also excited that Pearce mentions Sardello’s Silence so much.  His referencing Sardello really helps me to complete or travel full-circle, a mandala, for this class, as Silence has been and will continue to be extremely helpful for me.

            “…if the Spirit says move, and we move there and then, the movement of Spirit in our life “makes all things new moment by moment.” We then live in a state of “constant astonishment,”….” (Pearce; pg. 163)  One next step I feel Spirit moving me to take is to read Castaneda’s shamanistic book on Don Juan!  Other than that, this statement and practice of living and acting with “unconflicted behavior” are exactly the style of living I seek to abide by.  It is a practice of willingness and courage, and I just love living with such presence and bravery!  The more I do it, the more I know it suits me, especially in my art-making and how I feel called to use certain practices in my work as a therapist.  When I practice Silence and surrender to the “soft-will” of the heart, living in such inspiring and aspiring integrity is easy!  I feel called to do and say things, to go places, to meet certain people, and I am affirmed that listening to this intuition is the only way for me to live. 

The affirmations come to me in all kinds of signs, signals, and through intimate dialogue with life.  The more I live in such integrity and alignment, the more the perpetuating strange-loop, mirroring field-effects occur, and the more I hear the callings and follow the guidance given me.  It feels magical, and I trust my felt-senses very much, so I believe in the magic.  In other words, I feel supported by a caring, sentient Multiverse and benefit from, as well as contribute to, an evolving consensus reality that also supports me and my healing and growth as well as the healing and growth of others.  This train of ideas is really helpful for me as I negotiate the complexities of how these dynamics work within grief, loss, historic trauma, oppression and other challenging/dark parts of the human condition.  This is just another full-circle or mandala indicating that I’m evolving on the right track. 

I just want to add that I have so many feelings, thoughts, and experiences regarding Pearce’s discussions on lucid dreaming, the possibility of the continued heart-mind even after death, traveling through demonic realms after dying, ability to connect with loved ones who have passed, and more.  This book is so validating to me and what I have been through and know.  It’s really blowing me away and like Silence is giving me a leg to stand on, language, and steps I can take in the future to continue my learning processes. 

Like how Tibetan monks chant, pray, guide the spirit of their loved one through the realms of the dead, I did that with my loved one as he was transitioning.  Although I was not with him when he left his body, it was such a powerful experience nonetheless, for him and for me.  I felt it was the last, perhaps not the last, especially when considering some of Pearce’s discussions, deeply loving way I could be there for Ray as a Soul partner.  It took the responsibilities of loving him, of friendship, and of being his wife to another level.  I learned a lot!  Sharing such an intimate experience with a dying/birthing person was really beautiful.  Supposedly he was brain dead and unable to connect with those of us that were sitting with him, but I experienced otherwise many times.  I know he knew I was with him at certain points and we did some really big, healing work together.  
Having had that time with Ray helps me to forgive and know that all is well.  Designing a funeral for him and us was powerful too!  Little by little I am able to let go of the past and fearlessly open up to the vastness of possibilities that life wants to offer me.  I know I am not meant to live in grief and that relationships continue to evolve even preceding death.  I know this because Ray visits me sometimes and my knowing of his presence is a profound felt-sense knowing.  He helps me in my personal healing work, joking with me and poping up humorously in interesting ways in the physical world and in my thoughts/dialogue with life.  We meet in dreams too…really beautiful dreams, usually.  I know that he is alive and happy.  This is a fresh new start for him and for me too.  I’m just learning to trust what I know and to move forward.  It’s all still so surreal…but I’m learning more and more to live in the soft-will of my faith in love and allowing the Spirit to move me however it needs or wants me to move.